I Will Be Here

In case you're reading along on this blog while on you're own journey and want to talk/get advice, I will be here. It may take a while for me to get back to you, but I will.

I'm not going anywhere. This process has been too important and remains a part of our lives, so I'll keep coming back.

Email, leave comments, invite me along on your journey and I'll be there with you.

Hello First Timers

Howdy out there.

I thought my comment on Alittlepregnant.com could bring some visitors. Yes, I am DE Mommy, a woman who used donor eggs to complete our family and ended up with the exact children I was supposed to have.

We are open to our children about their origins but not to too many other people. Like Julie on ALittlePregnant, it is hurtful to hear people outright say or imply that I am "not their real mommy," which is complete bullshit.

In any case, I appreciate that Julie does NOT make a big deal (or any deal at all) about how they finalized their family. I am surprised that others still remember it. That they do impresses me with how unfortunately tied up people are with the genetic origins of children.

Quite honestly, my children don't give a flying rat's ass about how they got here. I am their mother and DE Daddy is their father and there are no variance around those facts in their lives.

Ironically, I have been wanting to post about the twins' emerging hair because it is a big issue in our family. I have unusual hair. The donor does not share my type of hair. The twins, however, are developing hair very similar to mine--and to our older son. Come to find out, my hair type has hormonal origins. It appears that either through in utero exposure or through breastfeeding, their hair is looking more and more like mine, likely due to whatever wonky hormones give me this hair.

It makes us laugh to see them "looking so much like me."

Even if they didn't have hair like mine and instead had hair like everyone else in this world, it wouldn't matter. I am their mother. DE Daddy is their father. Not a thing in this world is going to change that.

Still Here

Just a quick update that I'm still here and think of the blog often, even if I don't post.

Things are going really well around here. Both DE Daddy and I are continually thrilled by our adorable twins. We still cannot believe our luck and also how much the children take after both of us and our older son. What's funny is that sometimes I forget that the children are not supposed to be related to me and think that they are not biologically connected to DE Daddy. ("Well, obviously the children get this from me b/c their are missing the donor part from him...umm, wait? What???") A lack of sleep may be involved here, too.

That is really what is going on here for the most part. Except for the embryos we are donating to a friend. Yes, I will discuss this later, but we are going to donate some of the leftover embryos to a good friend (but not too good) so that she can complete her family.

In my life, I have learned to trust my gut, my intuition. It took me down this career path and it took me to my children to finish my family. This next step feels completely and utterly right. I don't know how it will turn out, but it will be "right." Not normal, as you may perceive it, but right for us.

So there. Things are good. Things are right. I am not a pollyana person, and things are not all roses and kittens over here. But this choice was right.

Am I repeating myself in all these posts? Yes, I am. When I check on the blogs I follow and see the doubt and worry, I hope this offers some comfort that there is a warm light at the end of the tunnel. There is no sleep here, so get ahold of yourself. But there is a warm and fuzzy light/life. It's a trade off. Deal with it. :-)

I Am Happy

I feel like blogs have served more of a purpose for me to worry and complain.

However, yesterday was my birthday. It was a "big" year and felt meaningful. And, it was by far the happiest birthday I can remember for one very important reason: my family is complete. Everyone who is supposed to be here is here. I am absolutely and totally in love with my family.

For those of you still moving down this path: it is so amazingly worth it when you finally reach then end. CHOOSE THE RIGHT CLINIC and join me at the end with your child(ren). (And should you also choose donor egg, for the sake of your children, please deal with your ambivalence about a genetic connection before you get pregnant)

Whether it's adoption, IVF, surrogate, blended family or donor sperm/egg, I hope *your* path takes you to your desired destination.

Happiness is fleeting so I am enjoying it (as sleep deprived as I am) as much as I can.

Kind Of Here

Thanks, Sky, for encouraging me to post again. Lots of things have happened, but best of all is that we had the twins about a month ago. They were born at 34 weeks 3 days and spent 3 weeks in the NICU. Despite having placenta previa, pre-term labor and pre-eclampsia, we all thought I was going to go all the way. And then dd's water broke and they were born. (Hence, why I didn't have steroids to mature their lungs and why they were in NICU so long) That said, I was in the hospital off and on for 6 weeks.

One thing I've learned: DE significantly increases one's chances for pre-eclampsia, as does twins and advanced maternal age. Placenta previa increases with IVF, twins, and advanced maternal age. And preterm labor is increased by twins.

What's so amazing is NONE of those lead to the early birth---it was the premature rupture of membranes! What a bizarre thing!! For those of you out there thinking of DE and who are, ahem, older, keep that in mind. And I'm pretty healthy!!

The twins are wonderful and I finally feel like the family is complete. Those souls who have been trying to reach us finally have. I'm sleep deprived but so, so happy.

We have not told my parents about using DE and they are constantly looking for family resemblenaces in the babies, which is sad for them. However, the twins look very much like our first son and DH, so we're emphasizing that.

I am VERY annoyed at my OB for putting our DE status on my OB records: it ended up on the kids' NICU medical records which I am pretty sure was observed by some friends and colleagues whom we think is none of their business about our twins' origins. I specifically asked our OB NOT to do that. We are planning to disclose, but we live in a part of the country which is a little backward on non-traditional family formation, and don't want to be the object of gossip in the community. (ie, this ain't California where it's no big whoop-de-do how one forms one's family).

In any case, our twins are beautiful, healthy and completely normal. We are bonding now and getting to know each other. I do think about the donor sometimes and wonder what her kids look like as well as her other donations, but these are *MY* beautiful, wonderful, amazing children. I am so proud of what they have done already in their first month of life. They are wonderful.

Yes, I'll continue posting here and reading other DE blogs. But I still get annoyed at folks who have chosen DE and appear to regret it. I am thrilled that we have found this path and that the children who have been trying to reach me for the last 4 years have finally arrived.

Well, the babies are likely to be wanting their late morning snack soon. I need to have a snack myself before I become their cow. I love being where we are right now, even though I haven't slept more than 2 hours in a row for a month, and don't anticipate doing so for another 4 or 5 months, too.

Wind Out of My Sails

Wow. I have to say I am still so relieved to find these other DE bloggers. I have been so worked up since our last meeting with Dr. Thera Pissed and our preference for disclosure and her obvious bias that we will eff up our child(ren) by doing so. However, reading all the DE blogs, disclosure (or not) just doesn't seem to be at the front of anyone else's mind going through the process. Instead it's happiness at being pregnant or being a new mom or even just starting the process. Perhaps I haven't delved into these new blogs enough, but I just don't see the trauma my Dr. Pissed has implied.

What a relief.

And what a relief, too, about the finances of this. DE Daddy just got a teaching job for the first part of the summer. That, plus some of my additional consulting money means that we will be able to about pay for this by the end of June. On the one hand, one may interpret this as a "sign" that it's going to work out because this new money has fallen into our laps at exactly the right time. Surely, that means it was meant to be. On the other hand, one may also interpret this to mean that it won't work out but we won't be in debt for "nothing." It will essentially be a wash financially; we won't be ahead , but we won't be in a hole either.

In fact, I could easily choose to see my last 6 months as having plenty of signs that this is going to work out: these frozen eggs fell in our lap, a major health scare that could have led to a miscarriage or worse was resolved before we started, we found money to pay for it without going into debt, we are going to a doctor who (unusually) understands auto-immune problems in recurrent miscarriages, other life worries have come to a happy conclusion.

I could see the events as predicting that what we want to happen will happen. Instead, what I see is more evidence that whatever happens, I will look back and say, "That was the right thing to occur."

I really feel the need to protect myself in this process even while I continue to feel positive and excited that we will end up with a child.

We go Friday to have my lining checked and learn the doctor's decision on when they will thaw the eggs.

!!!!!!!

Introduction

This is an anonymous blog about a family adding a child through donated eggs. We are starting with 15 frozen, anonymous donor eggs (DE) given to us by a friend who used this same anonymous donor and her clinic froze all the "extra" eggs from her donation. My friend has a successful pregnancy with twins. We hope we are so lucky, too.

We are currently planning to disclose to our child but not to our families. Thus, the main purpose for me for this blog is to talk about all the things that are happening, particularly the things that I cannot talk about to my friends and family. And I want to b!tch about my infertility therapist who is driving me crazy right now.

I also hope I can share the information, research and life choices we're making to help others on the way down this relatively new path.