The donor tested positive for HIV. It is a false positive test--they've tested and retested and used tested and retested with 2 other tests and only one of the 5 tests came back positive. But the FDA considers any postiive a positive.
So the donor is now very upset and thinks she had HIV---I might too in her case. It would definitely freak me out. And the doctor called the cycle because the FDA could sue him or put him jail or something like that if he went forward.
We're ok. We're going to try to cut our trip short because there's no need to stay out for 2 weeks when my conference is one week and we can see our friends.
I'm ok. I still feel like today's meditation was right. We're on the right path. There's just a delay.
Showing posts with label de cycle 2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label de cycle 2. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
7 Day Update
As of today, our donor has 16 follicles measuring 13-14 mm. I take this to be unambigously good news.
Also, I found out that 7 mm (?) which is what my lining measured is the minimum level for success and therefore is just fine.
I've been meditating off and on these last few weeks, and had a great one today. I like the meditations where one prays/talks/asks and then listens. Somtimes I get answers. Today's meditation was that we're going down the right path. Things may change, but right now, we're doing what we should be doing.
I'm also pulling for the other new DE bloggers that I'm reading now and hoping for good news. I want us to all be in the same pg boat together.
Also, I found out that 7 mm (?) which is what my lining measured is the minimum level for success and therefore is just fine.
I've been meditating off and on these last few weeks, and had a great one today. I like the meditations where one prays/talks/asks and then listens. Somtimes I get answers. Today's meditation was that we're going down the right path. Things may change, but right now, we're doing what we should be doing.
I'm also pulling for the other new DE bloggers that I'm reading now and hoping for good news. I want us to all be in the same pg boat together.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Update 2
Well, my lining is apparently OK. The clinic considers the next one, when I'm actually at the clinic, to be the more important one.
And we got an update on the donor's follicle count. She's doing well and not having any side effects from the drugs (yay!). I don't know whether to start the next sentence with "and" or "but." So I won't use any conjunction:
Her follicle count is 11 after 5 days of stimulation. My coordinator says this is "as expected" and their goal is 10-20 eggs for us. They are going to do another u/s on Wedsnesday, so we'll have another update then. The coordinator also says that this donor typically develops more eggs as the stimulation goes forward. We can expect 80% of the follicles to yeild mature eggs, so at this point, we're close to the minimum.
I know I'm asking the impossible: I'd really like unambiguously good news from now until we get that positive HPT.
Life doesn't work that way, so I have to learn this coping skill. Still, I would like to worry as little as possible until we're done.
And we got an update on the donor's follicle count. She's doing well and not having any side effects from the drugs (yay!). I don't know whether to start the next sentence with "and" or "but." So I won't use any conjunction:
Her follicle count is 11 after 5 days of stimulation. My coordinator says this is "as expected" and their goal is 10-20 eggs for us. They are going to do another u/s on Wedsnesday, so we'll have another update then. The coordinator also says that this donor typically develops more eggs as the stimulation goes forward. We can expect 80% of the follicles to yeild mature eggs, so at this point, we're close to the minimum.
I know I'm asking the impossible: I'd really like unambiguously good news from now until we get that positive HPT.
Life doesn't work that way, so I have to learn this coping skill. Still, I would like to worry as little as possible until we're done.
Update 1
I went in this morning for the second look at my lining. It was a 7, which I'm pretty sure was the same thing it was last week. I'm not supposed to have my "passing" ultrasound until next week....in California...at the clinic. I hope this is where it's supposed to be.
Nonetheless, it's starting to freak me out a bit about that a week from now we may...no we WILL know about the number of eggs, the retrieval dates, and how my lining looks.
Crappity crap that just freaks me out.
I did reassure myself that if my lining looks horrible, the clinic will freeze all the embryos and with a 70% success rate with frosties, that won't completely derail us.
But I'm sort of becoming a little anxious thinking "A week! A week! Holy shit, it all starts in a week! And in two weeks, the embies will most likely be back in me and in three weeks, we'll know whether I'm pregnant or not. Holy. Freakin'. Shit. "
I wonder why I'm having a hard time sleeping at nights?
It did occur to me that this feels a lot like moving to me. I've moved completely across country three times now. Each time, I was excited but relatively calm getting ready for the move. And then on the day of the move, I freaked our realizing "HOLY SHITE, I'M MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY!!" I'm fine before the move and I'm fine once I'm on the road. But the day of travel freaks my freak.
This cycle feels a lot like that.
Nonetheless, it's starting to freak me out a bit about that a week from now we may...no we WILL know about the number of eggs, the retrieval dates, and how my lining looks.
Crappity crap that just freaks me out.
I did reassure myself that if my lining looks horrible, the clinic will freeze all the embryos and with a 70% success rate with frosties, that won't completely derail us.
But I'm sort of becoming a little anxious thinking "A week! A week! Holy shit, it all starts in a week! And in two weeks, the embies will most likely be back in me and in three weeks, we'll know whether I'm pregnant or not. Holy. Freakin'. Shit. "
I wonder why I'm having a hard time sleeping at nights?
It did occur to me that this feels a lot like moving to me. I've moved completely across country three times now. Each time, I was excited but relatively calm getting ready for the move. And then on the day of the move, I freaked our realizing "HOLY SHITE, I'M MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY!!" I'm fine before the move and I'm fine once I'm on the road. But the day of travel freaks my freak.
This cycle feels a lot like that.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Donor Update
I received an email yesterday from the clinic: the donor has 20 antral follicles!! That's 2 more than she had last month. My understanding is that that the more antral follicles (up to 26) the better the IVF outcome--meaning more usable eggs. Does that mean that we're looking at retrieving around 20 eggs? More? Less? Would anyone out there share her experience on antral follicles and retreival? In any case, we're pretty excited about that number.
And yes, I have gained weight since starting this whole process a year ago. I was blaming myself and the wine I've been drinking until my regular OB suggested that the prednisone I'm taking for 10 days to 2 weeks per month (after ovulation, when we were trying on our own) wasn't helping any. I still think I need to be very careful of everything I eat and also how much I exercise so I won't blow up before we actually get pregnant.
And speaking of weight, I've been really surprised at how fat I've thought I was and how apparently, I'm not nearly as fat as I thought. All the donors we've seen are very, very cute and normal looking in their weight. Even our donor, who I'd say is quite "normal" as far as weight goes has a slightly higher BMI than I do. Actually, I'm not sure that means I'm thinner than she is--I am a tall woman with a tiny frame with tiny bones and this donor is normal height and it looks like she has a wonderful bone structure (it's one of the reasons we picked her---she actually has "cheeks" and a "jawline" unlike my husband and me whose horse faces simply fade into our necks).
There's not a lot to feel positive in the DE process, but finding out I'm not as fat as I thought I was---priceless. Well, that and having more children---winning the lottery.
And yes, I have gained weight since starting this whole process a year ago. I was blaming myself and the wine I've been drinking until my regular OB suggested that the prednisone I'm taking for 10 days to 2 weeks per month (after ovulation, when we were trying on our own) wasn't helping any. I still think I need to be very careful of everything I eat and also how much I exercise so I won't blow up before we actually get pregnant.
And speaking of weight, I've been really surprised at how fat I've thought I was and how apparently, I'm not nearly as fat as I thought. All the donors we've seen are very, very cute and normal looking in their weight. Even our donor, who I'd say is quite "normal" as far as weight goes has a slightly higher BMI than I do. Actually, I'm not sure that means I'm thinner than she is--I am a tall woman with a tiny frame with tiny bones and this donor is normal height and it looks like she has a wonderful bone structure (it's one of the reasons we picked her---she actually has "cheeks" and a "jawline" unlike my husband and me whose horse faces simply fade into our necks).
There's not a lot to feel positive in the DE process, but finding out I'm not as fat as I thought I was---priceless. Well, that and having more children---winning the lottery.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Ramping Up The Meds
Well, we've moved on from just lupron to lupron, estrogen patches, heparin and prednisone. One odd thing here is that we're starting the heparin and prednisone now instead of when we start the PIO (i.e., at ovulation/retrieval).
I may have mentioned at some that there is a possibility that I have an auto-immune problem because I've had so many miscarriages since DS and only one of them (that we tested) came back with chromosonal problems. I usually think that the prednisone/heparin combination is just smoke and mirrors, but Hippogriffs just found out that if she hadn't used heparin her whole pg, she would have likely lost one of her twins. She thought it was a bit voodoo medicine, too, so it sort of freaks me out.
Yikes.
DE Daddy and I continue to marvel at the differences in protocol between clinics. Less estrogen patches and more heparin/prednisone early here, more estrogen patches and more heparin/prednisone later there. At our old clinic, the doctor pretty much would have kept me on prednisone and heparin for the whole pregnancy, I think. This clinic says only the first 12 weeks are needed.
It makes us think that this whole IVF/DE/auto-immune thing is more preference than science. The doctors don't run double-blind randomized designs to determine what the best treatment is, they just sort of go with what works. As long as this works with us, we don't really care. I'll give birth with bruises up one side of my watermelon belly and down the other, if that helps us have this baby. I don't really care.
No news on the donor stats yet. I'm dying to see how she is doing.
I may have mentioned at some that there is a possibility that I have an auto-immune problem because I've had so many miscarriages since DS and only one of them (that we tested) came back with chromosonal problems. I usually think that the prednisone/heparin combination is just smoke and mirrors, but Hippogriffs just found out that if she hadn't used heparin her whole pg, she would have likely lost one of her twins. She thought it was a bit voodoo medicine, too, so it sort of freaks me out.
Yikes.
DE Daddy and I continue to marvel at the differences in protocol between clinics. Less estrogen patches and more heparin/prednisone early here, more estrogen patches and more heparin/prednisone later there. At our old clinic, the doctor pretty much would have kept me on prednisone and heparin for the whole pregnancy, I think. This clinic says only the first 12 weeks are needed.
It makes us think that this whole IVF/DE/auto-immune thing is more preference than science. The doctors don't run double-blind randomized designs to determine what the best treatment is, they just sort of go with what works. As long as this works with us, we don't really care. I'll give birth with bruises up one side of my watermelon belly and down the other, if that helps us have this baby. I don't really care.
No news on the donor stats yet. I'm dying to see how she is doing.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Waiting Mode
We're in waiting mode over here at the DE Mommy household. I start Lupron on Sunday and come off BCPs 5 days after that and estrogen 8 days after that. Really, there's not much going on except starting the medication.
Of course, now I'm not as naive about the medication and I'm concerned that the estrogen patches look fewer in number and change over a greater number of days, but I think I'm on them for a longer period of time. So I guess everything is ok. I assume if it isn't they will let me know.
We continue to stalk the clinic's donor board. Although our current donor remains our favorite, we're still seeing if someone comes up looking exactly like me and absolutely ready to go in 3 weeks. It's not likely, but cognitively, it makes us like our current donor more.
We're also deciding what to do in case we have the exciting outcome of having "extras." Our clinic only fertilizes the first 20 eggs and then they freeze the rest. We have decided to offer these frozen eggs to a friend of ours who is having a hard time starting her family. It's sort of a pay it forward considering how we got here in the first place. And since our friend lives in California and is relatively close to our clinic, we will strongly encourage her to use this clinic to defrost and fertilize the eggs.
I'm still looking forward to posting on disclosure (what I've found in the literature) and the contributions of genetics to behavior (from an academic standpoint). But right now, I'd kind of like to be pregnant while that is happening. I'm not too keen on putting the cart before the horse in figuring out how we'll tell our child(ren) about egg donation before there's even a possibility of children.
Nonetheless, I have been pondering what we know and what we don't know about how genetics are affected in utero. I have a friend who just had her twins from egg donation (HOOORAY!!!!) and we're thinking that one of the twin's nose doesn't look like her husband's, doesn't look like the donor's, and may well look like hers! I keep thinking "wouldn't it be ironic to learn in 30 years time when we have enough surrogate and donor egg babies to learn that certain characteristics such as noses or curly hair come from certain genes being turned on or off or even just favored in utero and not prescribed from the moment of conception?"
We don't know. We just don't know. Until the last 20 years, we've never been able to tease apart the influence of the mother's genes and the influence of the uterus on fetal development. We may find out that there is more of an influence than was expected after some good research.
I am not saying that genes aren't important. But I think we don't yet know how much the womb affects genes in their development. And that may be something that's exciting for DE mommies and freaks the freak out of couples who use gestational surrogates.
Just my rambling to pass the time until I have something really exciting to post about.
Of course, now I'm not as naive about the medication and I'm concerned that the estrogen patches look fewer in number and change over a greater number of days, but I think I'm on them for a longer period of time. So I guess everything is ok. I assume if it isn't they will let me know.
We continue to stalk the clinic's donor board. Although our current donor remains our favorite, we're still seeing if someone comes up looking exactly like me and absolutely ready to go in 3 weeks. It's not likely, but cognitively, it makes us like our current donor more.
We're also deciding what to do in case we have the exciting outcome of having "extras." Our clinic only fertilizes the first 20 eggs and then they freeze the rest. We have decided to offer these frozen eggs to a friend of ours who is having a hard time starting her family. It's sort of a pay it forward considering how we got here in the first place. And since our friend lives in California and is relatively close to our clinic, we will strongly encourage her to use this clinic to defrost and fertilize the eggs.
I'm still looking forward to posting on disclosure (what I've found in the literature) and the contributions of genetics to behavior (from an academic standpoint). But right now, I'd kind of like to be pregnant while that is happening. I'm not too keen on putting the cart before the horse in figuring out how we'll tell our child(ren) about egg donation before there's even a possibility of children.
Nonetheless, I have been pondering what we know and what we don't know about how genetics are affected in utero. I have a friend who just had her twins from egg donation (HOOORAY!!!!) and we're thinking that one of the twin's nose doesn't look like her husband's, doesn't look like the donor's, and may well look like hers! I keep thinking "wouldn't it be ironic to learn in 30 years time when we have enough surrogate and donor egg babies to learn that certain characteristics such as noses or curly hair come from certain genes being turned on or off or even just favored in utero and not prescribed from the moment of conception?"
We don't know. We just don't know. Until the last 20 years, we've never been able to tease apart the influence of the mother's genes and the influence of the uterus on fetal development. We may find out that there is more of an influence than was expected after some good research.
I am not saying that genes aren't important. But I think we don't yet know how much the womb affects genes in their development. And that may be something that's exciting for DE mommies and freaks the freak out of couples who use gestational surrogates.
Just my rambling to pass the time until I have something really exciting to post about.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Protocol Starting
My DE coordinator sent me my schedule of meds for this cycle. It's pretty exciting to be moving ahead or at least doing something. Also, I'm not stressing out about this. It may be because I've changed my diet and no longer eat sugar (which can affect freaky out nerves), but also, I just feel intuitively that this is the right thing to do whether or not we actually get pregnant. I'm sure many veterans feel the same way at the beginning of a cycle when they don't know what will happen. But I do feel like we're on the right path.
I have to also admit that sometimes I get surprised when I read about other people's protocols at their clinics. I'm a research academic in the social sciences at a research intensive university. I don't make decisions to do things without thoroughly researching what I am doing. In fact, a friend and I were talking yesterday about how annoying it was to (think we) know more than our doctor does about our own particular fertility issues.
In any case, it worries me that clinics vary so much in their IVF or DE protocols. I'm less concerned about medical protocls (which already, I see differences between the two clinics in the number of estrogen patches they want me to use and when to change them as well as the amount of lupron they want me to use), but more on basic things like regularly scheduling 3 day instead of 5 day embryo transfer. The research solidly shows that 5 day transfers are more likely to be successful. Yet most of the folks I'm following in the blogosphere have clinics who routinely do a 3 day transfer. Both of the clinics I've worked with only do a 3 day transfer when things look really crappy, a sort of Hail Mary pass to your uterus. And they all grow the embryos out past 5 days before they freeze them to get the best ones possible.
This freaks me the freak out. Why are so many clinics not following the "best" practices for successful IVF and DE outcomes? 5 day transfers have double the success rates of 3 day transfers, no matter what the age of the mother. Why do some clinics continue to use 3 day transfers as their default? It also makes me a little angry, too, that other women who want a child just as much as I do are not getting the best chance they can. And I blame the doctors.
I have to also admit that sometimes I get surprised when I read about other people's protocols at their clinics. I'm a research academic in the social sciences at a research intensive university. I don't make decisions to do things without thoroughly researching what I am doing. In fact, a friend and I were talking yesterday about how annoying it was to (think we) know more than our doctor does about our own particular fertility issues.
In any case, it worries me that clinics vary so much in their IVF or DE protocols. I'm less concerned about medical protocls (which already, I see differences between the two clinics in the number of estrogen patches they want me to use and when to change them as well as the amount of lupron they want me to use), but more on basic things like regularly scheduling 3 day instead of 5 day embryo transfer. The research solidly shows that 5 day transfers are more likely to be successful. Yet most of the folks I'm following in the blogosphere have clinics who routinely do a 3 day transfer. Both of the clinics I've worked with only do a 3 day transfer when things look really crappy, a sort of Hail Mary pass to your uterus. And they all grow the embryos out past 5 days before they freeze them to get the best ones possible.
This freaks me the freak out. Why are so many clinics not following the "best" practices for successful IVF and DE outcomes? 5 day transfers have double the success rates of 3 day transfers, no matter what the age of the mother. Why do some clinics continue to use 3 day transfers as their default? It also makes me a little angry, too, that other women who want a child just as much as I do are not getting the best chance they can. And I blame the doctors.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Testing
We continue to march forward in this cycle. Our donor was measured with 18 antral follicles, which according to our understated DE coordinator/nurse is "perfect." In fact, she even added that "Everything is coming up roses!" with her own "!" added in there. While I am a "!" kind of writer, she is not at all. So I'm thinking that she is quite pleased with how things are going.
Since I have never done IVF or even had my antral follicles counted, I consulted Dr. Google, who said that why, yes, this is a good sign. With over 11 having a moderate rate of success, but between 15 and 26 being the optimum level of IVF success.
I take this all as good news.
Since I have never done IVF or even had my antral follicles counted, I consulted Dr. Google, who said that why, yes, this is a good sign. With over 11 having a moderate rate of success, but between 15 and 26 being the optimum level of IVF success.
I take this all as good news.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
We have a Date!
So, everything is moving along. Our donor has officially agreed to the cycle and is available at exactly the time I'll be in the California conference. I spent most of last night dreaming about arriving in CA, which days it would be best to be there and how we'll see everyone and, in my head, emailing my donor to say Thank You. I also spent some of my dream yelling at my MIL, so let's hope not all of that is predictive.
I really do not feel anxious about this process right now. I am learning to trust my intuition which indicated a real fear that the first donor would say no and that something was off with the second donor and, now, that things are really going to work out with this donor.
Maybe now I can spend some time on this blog writing about why we are choosing DE over adoption and why we plan on disclosing to our child (but not necessarily to our families at this point) and what we are going to do if we should be so fortunate as to have leftover frosties from this process.
But right now, I feel happy and even keeled and I am following the other DE blogs to see how their stories turn out, too.
I really do not feel anxious about this process right now. I am learning to trust my intuition which indicated a real fear that the first donor would say no and that something was off with the second donor and, now, that things are really going to work out with this donor.
Maybe now I can spend some time on this blog writing about why we are choosing DE over adoption and why we plan on disclosing to our child (but not necessarily to our families at this point) and what we are going to do if we should be so fortunate as to have leftover frosties from this process.
But right now, I feel happy and even keeled and I am following the other DE blogs to see how their stories turn out, too.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Re-Re-Matched
What an eventful day.
I have not been feeling "right" about the donor we chose second. There were several characteristics that were bothering me, including finding out in her genetic history that a close relative has hypothyroidism. Although the clinic says that it is not worth worrying about, the research I saw (from even that lame institution Stanford U) says that there is a genetic component to hypothyroidism. Yes, it's easily (easily!) treatable, but it was a concern.
So Dave and I went back to the pool of candidates and found (oh, God, can I say this?) "her." She's shorter than I am, has had 8 out of 9 successful cycles, started college at 16, has the same odd ethnicity that I do, has wavy hair (according to her pictures and the coordinator's statements), she's really pretty (much prettier than DE Daddy or me), AND SHE SAID YES!!!
The coordinator placed a call just to see what she was thinking about cycling this summer and she said yes, yes, yes!!!
This is once again an example of trusting my guts. I just knew my Monday that our first donor wasn't going to cycle. And this second one just kept making me feel anxious. (oh, I forgot to admit, we were going for another donor---the one who looks like DE Daddy---but her last cycle wasn't successful and they ended up with only 4 frosties. That freaked me out and we moved on)
Oh, I hope this is it. They start her testing soon and I think they are going to be able to work around my conference in CA. Hooray!! I feel so much better than I did this morning!!
I have not been feeling "right" about the donor we chose second. There were several characteristics that were bothering me, including finding out in her genetic history that a close relative has hypothyroidism. Although the clinic says that it is not worth worrying about, the research I saw (from even that lame institution Stanford U) says that there is a genetic component to hypothyroidism. Yes, it's easily (easily!) treatable, but it was a concern.
So Dave and I went back to the pool of candidates and found (oh, God, can I say this?) "her." She's shorter than I am, has had 8 out of 9 successful cycles, started college at 16, has the same odd ethnicity that I do, has wavy hair (according to her pictures and the coordinator's statements), she's really pretty (much prettier than DE Daddy or me), AND SHE SAID YES!!!
The coordinator placed a call just to see what she was thinking about cycling this summer and she said yes, yes, yes!!!
This is once again an example of trusting my guts. I just knew my Monday that our first donor wasn't going to cycle. And this second one just kept making me feel anxious. (oh, I forgot to admit, we were going for another donor---the one who looks like DE Daddy---but her last cycle wasn't successful and they ended up with only 4 frosties. That freaked me out and we moved on)
Oh, I hope this is it. They start her testing soon and I think they are going to be able to work around my conference in CA. Hooray!! I feel so much better than I did this morning!!
Re-Matched
We are now officially matched up with a new donor and as far as I can tell, she has said YES, she will do it! (I was out of town for a meeting yesterday and only exchanged one email instead of the zillion calls and emails I've been doing before)
I have to be honest: I'm a little more cautious about this one, now that I've already tasted disappointment. This donor has had 5 pgs out of 7 cycles. The last cycle did not result in pg, but the couple ended up with 11 frosties. The FET failed for this couple too, so their may be an undiagnosed problem with the couple because "the embryos and frosties were top notch!!" (says the coordinator)
This donor is as tall as I am, although she's a bit heavier. (As an aside, I realized that I am not nearly as heavy as I thought I comparing my weight to the donors' weights and they are all so cute!!) Nonetheless, this donor's mother was a ballet dancer all her life and some of thedonor's older pictures show her as being quite thin. She doesn't have curly hair, but it's dark like mine. (our next donor choice is bloooooond, so I'm actually a bit happy to have a darker haired donor) There are some other differenecs and I realize as I read on another blog, she doesn't look exactly like me and I need to just deal with that. As my husband keeps pointing out, we were open to adoptiong a biracial/transracial child, so "like me" is really far down on the list of priorities in this process.
Our neighbors came over for dinner last night and although they don't know exactly what we are doing, they shared the story of a latino friend of theirs who has dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin who had a blond, blue eyed, pale son. Traditional parental genetics don't mean as much as one might think! Sarah Vowell is a twin born of a Swede and a Native American and she and her twin look very different!
So, in any case, we're rematched. I'm excited. There are things I really like about this donor, but I'm a bit more apprehensive than I was. I don't know if it's because I've already been disappointed by losing our first donor or because I'm tapping into some as-yet-unidentified thing that bothers me about this donor.
I need to fall back in love (affection? appreciation?) with this donor like I had with the first one.
I have to be honest: I'm a little more cautious about this one, now that I've already tasted disappointment. This donor has had 5 pgs out of 7 cycles. The last cycle did not result in pg, but the couple ended up with 11 frosties. The FET failed for this couple too, so their may be an undiagnosed problem with the couple because "the embryos and frosties were top notch!!" (says the coordinator)
This donor is as tall as I am, although she's a bit heavier. (As an aside, I realized that I am not nearly as heavy as I thought I comparing my weight to the donors' weights and they are all so cute!!) Nonetheless, this donor's mother was a ballet dancer all her life and some of thedonor's older pictures show her as being quite thin. She doesn't have curly hair, but it's dark like mine. (our next donor choice is bloooooond, so I'm actually a bit happy to have a darker haired donor) There are some other differenecs and I realize as I read on another blog, she doesn't look exactly like me and I need to just deal with that. As my husband keeps pointing out, we were open to adoptiong a biracial/transracial child, so "like me" is really far down on the list of priorities in this process.
Our neighbors came over for dinner last night and although they don't know exactly what we are doing, they shared the story of a latino friend of theirs who has dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin who had a blond, blue eyed, pale son. Traditional parental genetics don't mean as much as one might think! Sarah Vowell is a twin born of a Swede and a Native American and she and her twin look very different!
So, in any case, we're rematched. I'm excited. There are things I really like about this donor, but I'm a bit more apprehensive than I was. I don't know if it's because I've already been disappointed by losing our first donor or because I'm tapping into some as-yet-unidentified thing that bothers me about this donor.
I need to fall back in love (affection? appreciation?) with this donor like I had with the first one.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Unmatched
Crappity Crap.
Our golden donor has decided to withdraw from the program. That is fine. Really. Part of the ethics of my career involves fully informing people of their ability to withdraw from participating in events. Nonetheless, I thought our clinic had gotten a verbal affirmation of her participation last week and apparently they did not.
That makes me cranky.
Also, our #2 choice has pulled out which is ok. I was having reservations about her. Our #3-5 choices are still in. None of them have my hair. Two are tall and one is not (at all!). One looks a lot like DE Daddy and one looks a bit more like me. Well, at least she has my ethnicities. The one who looks a lot like DE Daddy is very smart and very athletic. The one who looks (more) like me is available when we'll be in California.
Ugh.
Our golden donor has decided to withdraw from the program. That is fine. Really. Part of the ethics of my career involves fully informing people of their ability to withdraw from participating in events. Nonetheless, I thought our clinic had gotten a verbal affirmation of her participation last week and apparently they did not.
That makes me cranky.
Also, our #2 choice has pulled out which is ok. I was having reservations about her. Our #3-5 choices are still in. None of them have my hair. Two are tall and one is not (at all!). One looks a lot like DE Daddy and one looks a bit more like me. Well, at least she has my ethnicities. The one who looks a lot like DE Daddy is very smart and very athletic. The one who looks (more) like me is available when we'll be in California.
Ugh.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Matched!!
We're officially matched with our preferred donor!! I'm really excited. And I know it's foolish to believe this, but I believe with all my heart that we're going to have another baby! Even if it doesn't happen with fresh embryos, I believe we'll have enough frosties to successfully try again. (Did I mention the 70% success rate the clinic has with frosties?)
I'm really not stressed about this. We'll have another child. I know it. Those children who have been trying to get to us will finally make it through.
I'm really not stressed about this. We'll have another child. I know it. Those children who have been trying to get to us will finally make it through.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Narrowing in on a Donor
We've spent the weekend updating our Excel spreadsheet of potential donors. I have a few friends around here (ok, one) who knows what is going on and after speaking with her, we loosened up our criteria for who to choose. I am tall and I have been only considering tall donors. My friend is taller and said that although tall is nice, she reminded me that it wasn't much fun being the giantess we were in high school.
I also appreciated her comments (and yours) that proven is really the key thing. So of the 26 proven donors in our clinic's database (over 5'1"---there's short and then there's short! DE Daddy is 6'4" and I am over 5'8"), 16 are available in August. I printed out all of their information and DE Daddy took the first swipe and found 4 that he really liked. I really liked 3 of the 4, too, so we're starting with them.
We can't be officially matched until they get all our bloodwork and we're waiting for the final results. But we've let them know about our donor. I'm getting really invested in her so I hope she's willing to do just one more cycle! She's 5'4" (the same height as my Mom who had a 6'3 boy and a 5'8 girl), in a good university with a rigorous major, althletic, plays a musical instrument, pretty, with close to my hair, and, most importantly, she's had 8 cycles with 7 pregnancies. The one cycle without a pg ended up with 10 frosties, so that still sounds pretty good to me. (Yes, this clinic does let donors participate in more than 5 cycles, but at this point, that is a plus for me, not a minus.)
I actually hope that tomorrow we'll get the bloodwork in and they can make the match. And she's willing to do one more!!! NowI'm second guessing myself in that I should have called the coordinator to get a feel for this donor's likelihood to do another cycle. (8 seems like a lot to me!)
But the good news is that we have 3 more donors we'd "prefer" and about 5 or more donors who would be just fine. So, I guess I ought not get really worked up about this. It's going to happen, I think.
Yikes!
I also appreciated her comments (and yours) that proven is really the key thing. So of the 26 proven donors in our clinic's database (over 5'1"---there's short and then there's short! DE Daddy is 6'4" and I am over 5'8"), 16 are available in August. I printed out all of their information and DE Daddy took the first swipe and found 4 that he really liked. I really liked 3 of the 4, too, so we're starting with them.
We can't be officially matched until they get all our bloodwork and we're waiting for the final results. But we've let them know about our donor. I'm getting really invested in her so I hope she's willing to do just one more cycle! She's 5'4" (the same height as my Mom who had a 6'3 boy and a 5'8 girl), in a good university with a rigorous major, althletic, plays a musical instrument, pretty, with close to my hair, and, most importantly, she's had 8 cycles with 7 pregnancies. The one cycle without a pg ended up with 10 frosties, so that still sounds pretty good to me. (Yes, this clinic does let donors participate in more than 5 cycles, but at this point, that is a plus for me, not a minus.)
I actually hope that tomorrow we'll get the bloodwork in and they can make the match. And she's willing to do one more!!! NowI'm second guessing myself in that I should have called the coordinator to get a feel for this donor's likelihood to do another cycle. (8 seems like a lot to me!)
But the good news is that we have 3 more donors we'd "prefer" and about 5 or more donors who would be just fine. So, I guess I ought not get really worked up about this. It's going to happen, I think.
Yikes!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Choosing the Donor
Well, most of our medical records have been sent from our old clinic to the new clinic and the new clinic is ordering up some additional tests--mainly blood work to meet California's stricter donor laws.
Because we are officially in the clinic now, we can officially be matched with our donor.
YIKES!
There are certain characteristics that we would like the donor to have, mainly because they are characteristics of mine. So we are mainly evaluating donors as how they compare with a tall runner with curly hair. The first donor we were interested in ran track, was 5'8" and had very curly hair. However, she has not responded to the clinic's repeated requests for additional pictures and since I'd argue conscientiousness is one of the best predictors for donor success, I am no longer interested.
There are two other donors that are tall (6'0 and 5'9) and athletic (including one who has run a 5 minute mile----that's FAST) but neither have curly hair. Still the 5'9" one looks a bit like me with the same facial features with self-reported wavy hair. Considering how much people comment on my son's curly hair, curl is still a real issue with me. Additionally 6'0 is proven and 5'9" is unproven. We want to have another child so "proven" is an important thing.
Of course, then we go back to the fact that we have been pretty far down the adoption path and would have happily engaged in a transracial or biracial adoption. So does it really matter if the donor looks like me?
I don't know. I've had too much coffee to think right now. And certainly too much to make any big decisions.
Because we are officially in the clinic now, we can officially be matched with our donor.
YIKES!
There are certain characteristics that we would like the donor to have, mainly because they are characteristics of mine. So we are mainly evaluating donors as how they compare with a tall runner with curly hair. The first donor we were interested in ran track, was 5'8" and had very curly hair. However, she has not responded to the clinic's repeated requests for additional pictures and since I'd argue conscientiousness is one of the best predictors for donor success, I am no longer interested.
There are two other donors that are tall (6'0 and 5'9) and athletic (including one who has run a 5 minute mile----that's FAST) but neither have curly hair. Still the 5'9" one looks a bit like me with the same facial features with self-reported wavy hair. Considering how much people comment on my son's curly hair, curl is still a real issue with me. Additionally 6'0 is proven and 5'9" is unproven. We want to have another child so "proven" is an important thing.
Of course, then we go back to the fact that we have been pretty far down the adoption path and would have happily engaged in a transracial or biracial adoption. So does it really matter if the donor looks like me?
I don't know. I've had too much coffee to think right now. And certainly too much to make any big decisions.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Excited and Closure
Well, although we continue Mission: Kill The Rats at our house, we do have some more appropriate DE news.
First, we met with our old clinic for the post-mortem for the failed thawing of the frozen eggs. The one thing I did NOT want to happen is for them to say "Well, this sort of thing just happens and successfully thawing frozen eggs is not very likely anyway." Therefore, I went in with the stats from the donating clinic and a couple of articles from Fertility & Sterility and Science.
Although they did imply that "this sort of thing just happens", they did indirectly admit that they had had a learning curve on freezing and thawing embryos and that likely this was the same sort of thing. No one said that directly (God forbid!), but there was an undercurrent of that sentiment. Also, both the RE and the embryologist seemed surprised and upset that this happened. Actually, the embyrologist seemed upset. The RE seemed more "circumspect."
I really, really didn't want to go in and be all "YOU'RE INCOMPETENT!" but clearly mistakes were made. The RE tried hard to close ranks saying "this sort of thing happens" and "maybe there was a difference in the water purification", but the embryologist seemed more upset that this was a complete and abject failure. We tried to tell them that we could have handled not getting pg, but not even getting a try was not cool.
In any case, the bottom line is that we are being refunded the all the money for the embryologist and transfer part of the cycle. We won't get our money back for the services already provided (HSG, trial transfer, medications, etc), but that seems absolutely fine. That refund turns out to be a significant chunk of change and will really help for this next cycle.
Which we are doing elsewhere. I've already mentioned which clinic we're using, but I think I'm going to refrain from doing it again, just to give everyone a little bit more privacy. That said, I've already had a phone meeting with the RE and the DE coordinator. I have everyone's email addresses and private phone numbers. (WOW!) I also have assurances that they are going to make sure I have a baby to take home with me.
Let me reiterate the stats: 80-85% success rates on DE with an 80% chance of two blastocysts and frosties with each cycle. Their FET success rates are also about 70%! That's higher than even my current clinic's fresh cycle success rates.
So here is an example that makes me feel like this is the right place for us to be: every single person, from the original intake person to the RE to the DE coordinator knows about us and the frozen egg debacle. Everyone brought it up first and said something kind about it. Every. Single. Person. At the old clinic, I had to correct everyone I dealt with (except my RE and his main nurse) that I was NOT doing frozen embryo but frozen eggs. Even the doctors at my monitoring visits looked at me with a blank face when I tried to tell explain what I was doing.
I also feel like at this new clinic their main goal is to make sure I have a baby. And they really think they can do it. I told the DE coordinator today that I would love to have twins and she said "Well, let's just see if we can get you twins." That statement would never be allowed at my old clinic.
Onward and upward and closer to bringing our child(ren) home.
First, we met with our old clinic for the post-mortem for the failed thawing of the frozen eggs. The one thing I did NOT want to happen is for them to say "Well, this sort of thing just happens and successfully thawing frozen eggs is not very likely anyway." Therefore, I went in with the stats from the donating clinic and a couple of articles from Fertility & Sterility and Science.
Although they did imply that "this sort of thing just happens", they did indirectly admit that they had had a learning curve on freezing and thawing embryos and that likely this was the same sort of thing. No one said that directly (God forbid!), but there was an undercurrent of that sentiment. Also, both the RE and the embryologist seemed surprised and upset that this happened. Actually, the embyrologist seemed upset. The RE seemed more "circumspect."
I really, really didn't want to go in and be all "YOU'RE INCOMPETENT!" but clearly mistakes were made. The RE tried hard to close ranks saying "this sort of thing happens" and "maybe there was a difference in the water purification", but the embryologist seemed more upset that this was a complete and abject failure. We tried to tell them that we could have handled not getting pg, but not even getting a try was not cool.
In any case, the bottom line is that we are being refunded the all the money for the embryologist and transfer part of the cycle. We won't get our money back for the services already provided (HSG, trial transfer, medications, etc), but that seems absolutely fine. That refund turns out to be a significant chunk of change and will really help for this next cycle.
Which we are doing elsewhere. I've already mentioned which clinic we're using, but I think I'm going to refrain from doing it again, just to give everyone a little bit more privacy. That said, I've already had a phone meeting with the RE and the DE coordinator. I have everyone's email addresses and private phone numbers. (WOW!) I also have assurances that they are going to make sure I have a baby to take home with me.
Let me reiterate the stats: 80-85% success rates on DE with an 80% chance of two blastocysts and frosties with each cycle. Their FET success rates are also about 70%! That's higher than even my current clinic's fresh cycle success rates.
So here is an example that makes me feel like this is the right place for us to be: every single person, from the original intake person to the RE to the DE coordinator knows about us and the frozen egg debacle. Everyone brought it up first and said something kind about it. Every. Single. Person. At the old clinic, I had to correct everyone I dealt with (except my RE and his main nurse) that I was NOT doing frozen embryo but frozen eggs. Even the doctors at my monitoring visits looked at me with a blank face when I tried to tell explain what I was doing.
I also feel like at this new clinic their main goal is to make sure I have a baby. And they really think they can do it. I told the DE coordinator today that I would love to have twins and she said "Well, let's just see if we can get you twins." That statement would never be allowed at my old clinic.
Onward and upward and closer to bringing our child(ren) home.
Friday, May 16, 2008
One Week In
Exactly a week ago is when we found out that only 4 eggs made it through the thaw and it was my first clue that things were not going to go the way I thought.
I hate that I keep saying to myself "I'm supposed to be on bedrest right now. I'm supposed to be wondering if my sore boobs are due to a pg and not the prometrium to make my period appear. I'm supposed to be watching a lot of TV and not working this week."
Nonetheless, a friend commented that I clearly don't let the grass grow under my feet.
I hate feeling as awful as I did on Monday. Whether it's healthy or not, I cannot stay in that place and wallow in the pain. I'm really glad we have a plan for another try and I know in the deepest part of my heart that if *this* one doesn't work, we are completely done.
A *week* ago. A *week* ago we were completely in another place. It seems like a whole other place. Oh, BTW, any advice for choosing a donor is welcome.
We looked over our financial estimate for this last cycle. They charged us $5200 for ICSI on 11 or more eggs. In actuality, they only did ICSI on 4, but I imagine some of that money also went for the thaw. We are planning on asking for most of that money back (along with the $700 for the transfer we paid for and didn't do). We were their guinea pigs and they messed up. Does that happen? Do you get money back when it's a failed event and they haven't done the procedures we paid for?
It's a lot of money, but it seems like years ago that they paid it. I just want to go forward now and have another real try again. For the first time.
I hate that I keep saying to myself "I'm supposed to be on bedrest right now. I'm supposed to be wondering if my sore boobs are due to a pg and not the prometrium to make my period appear. I'm supposed to be watching a lot of TV and not working this week."
Nonetheless, a friend commented that I clearly don't let the grass grow under my feet.
I hate feeling as awful as I did on Monday. Whether it's healthy or not, I cannot stay in that place and wallow in the pain. I'm really glad we have a plan for another try and I know in the deepest part of my heart that if *this* one doesn't work, we are completely done.
A *week* ago. A *week* ago we were completely in another place. It seems like a whole other place. Oh, BTW, any advice for choosing a donor is welcome.
We looked over our financial estimate for this last cycle. They charged us $5200 for ICSI on 11 or more eggs. In actuality, they only did ICSI on 4, but I imagine some of that money also went for the thaw. We are planning on asking for most of that money back (along with the $700 for the transfer we paid for and didn't do). We were their guinea pigs and they messed up. Does that happen? Do you get money back when it's a failed event and they haven't done the procedures we paid for?
It's a lot of money, but it seems like years ago that they paid it. I just want to go forward now and have another real try again. For the first time.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
What A Difference a Plan Makes
I am still upset. In fact, things got a lot worse as they days have rolled by. There are few things in this world as dreadful for me as the absence of hope. There are some theologians who argue that "heaven" and "hell" are places on earth; they are not different dimensions that we go to after we die, but a state of being while we are alive here. (There are some people who believe the Gospel of Thomas makes exactly this claim.) In any case, I know for a fact that life without hope is hell for me.
So on Monday, I made a call to the San Diego Fertility Center. For those of you who don't know, at over 80%, SDFC has the highest DE success rate in the US, if not the world. I am going to be in Irvine, CA in August for business reasons and it seems like it would be the perfect opportunity for us to work with them. Our initial appointments start next week and we've already been looking through the donor database for potential matches. Considering that our main criterion is success as a donor (defined as having participated in a DE cycle with a pg), we have a lot of donors to choose from.
When I spoke to the intake counselor, I realized how much I miss California. I shared that I had had three clinical miscarriages and 5 chemical pregnancies. I asked if that would disqualify me from being one of their clients. She assured me that they take everyone. She also said that the soul of my next child must have been working so hard to get to me. She hoped that this would be the path for us to finally be together.
I, of course, sobbed. But it's exactly what I was thinking. I don't have the one-child gene. I know my other child is waiting for me to find him or her. And I want to give it my best shot to break down whatever barrier is there.
Which is why, even if the curent clinic does offer, I don't think we are likely to participate in their DE program. If they have a donor who is proven, I might consider it. But honestly, we have money for one shot. I want the odds to be as high as they can possibly be.
The thought of using SDFC gives me hope, at least for today. Everything may change after we have our meeting with our current RE and the idiot embryologist. But at least, right now, at the beginning of this day, I think it will still all work out and we'll finally find our next child.
So on Monday, I made a call to the San Diego Fertility Center. For those of you who don't know, at over 80%, SDFC has the highest DE success rate in the US, if not the world. I am going to be in Irvine, CA in August for business reasons and it seems like it would be the perfect opportunity for us to work with them. Our initial appointments start next week and we've already been looking through the donor database for potential matches. Considering that our main criterion is success as a donor (defined as having participated in a DE cycle with a pg), we have a lot of donors to choose from.
When I spoke to the intake counselor, I realized how much I miss California. I shared that I had had three clinical miscarriages and 5 chemical pregnancies. I asked if that would disqualify me from being one of their clients. She assured me that they take everyone. She also said that the soul of my next child must have been working so hard to get to me. She hoped that this would be the path for us to finally be together.
I, of course, sobbed. But it's exactly what I was thinking. I don't have the one-child gene. I know my other child is waiting for me to find him or her. And I want to give it my best shot to break down whatever barrier is there.
Which is why, even if the curent clinic does offer, I don't think we are likely to participate in their DE program. If they have a donor who is proven, I might consider it. But honestly, we have money for one shot. I want the odds to be as high as they can possibly be.
The thought of using SDFC gives me hope, at least for today. Everything may change after we have our meeting with our current RE and the idiot embryologist. But at least, right now, at the beginning of this day, I think it will still all work out and we'll finally find our next child.
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