TWINS

Holy cow, it's freaking both DE Daddy and me out, but our friend is pg with twins. I'm thrilled she's going to be a mother. But I am worried how a self-employed, single mom is going to make it through the pg and those first two years with TWINS.

I believe the universe knows what it is doing, so I'm sending nothing but joy and good thoughts her way.

Nonetheless, YOWZA!!!

Updates and Funny Thoughts

We haven't heard anything from our friend after the paperwork has been signed and I think that is actually very, very good. She should be in the midst of the cycle right now. Although I am curious as to what is happening (have they transferred yet? does she have a BFP) and what she decided to do (1 emby or 2?), it's HER family and not ours any more. So, I'd like to know what is happening, but it's more just being curious than being obsessed.

Besides we are so freaking busy, I don't have time to do much of anything else.

So here's the funny part. It's part of our "concept" of the twins (dear twin daughter DTD and dear twin son DTS) that we had some help conceiving them. However, I sometimes get very close to forgetting that it was donor egg and not donor sperm.

I know! Really? When they do some things that are so much like me and not at all like DEDaddy, I catch myself half a second after thinking, "Well, that's because they genetically related to me and not to him."

That is just crazy!! And the crazy part about it is that it's true! There is a picture of my brother as a child that DTS looks an awful lot alike. Although my daughter does not physically favor me (like DS and DTS do), she is so much like me personality wise that it's hard not to think that those raging hormones permanently affected their DNA. (There is some evidence for that)

And the kicker--all three of the children have MY hair. My hair is very unusual, and truly, DS is most like mine. But it's clear that DTD and DTS have hair similar to DS and to me. That is freakin' crazy. Well, it would be if I hadn't looked up and found that my hair has strong hormonal components and being inside me and being breastfed by me likely changed their hair DNA.

Of course, we do see some things that are different. When they misbehave, clearly that the donor.

I kid! (sort of!) It's nice to blame her and not take responsibility for that that--although DE Daddy points out that I can't have it both ways. I can't claim all the feisty-ness and then deny the vim and vigor. There are just too many similarities to me that make think either 1) the donor could be a long lost sister or 2) hormones and environment play a bigger role than many people give them credit for.

Since science is coming down on the latter side, so shall I.

Kind Of Here

Thanks, Sky, for encouraging me to post again. Lots of things have happened, but best of all is that we had the twins about a month ago. They were born at 34 weeks 3 days and spent 3 weeks in the NICU. Despite having placenta previa, pre-term labor and pre-eclampsia, we all thought I was going to go all the way. And then dd's water broke and they were born. (Hence, why I didn't have steroids to mature their lungs and why they were in NICU so long) That said, I was in the hospital off and on for 6 weeks.

One thing I've learned: DE significantly increases one's chances for pre-eclampsia, as does twins and advanced maternal age. Placenta previa increases with IVF, twins, and advanced maternal age. And preterm labor is increased by twins.

What's so amazing is NONE of those lead to the early birth---it was the premature rupture of membranes! What a bizarre thing!! For those of you out there thinking of DE and who are, ahem, older, keep that in mind. And I'm pretty healthy!!

The twins are wonderful and I finally feel like the family is complete. Those souls who have been trying to reach us finally have. I'm sleep deprived but so, so happy.

We have not told my parents about using DE and they are constantly looking for family resemblenaces in the babies, which is sad for them. However, the twins look very much like our first son and DH, so we're emphasizing that.

I am VERY annoyed at my OB for putting our DE status on my OB records: it ended up on the kids' NICU medical records which I am pretty sure was observed by some friends and colleagues whom we think is none of their business about our twins' origins. I specifically asked our OB NOT to do that. We are planning to disclose, but we live in a part of the country which is a little backward on non-traditional family formation, and don't want to be the object of gossip in the community. (ie, this ain't California where it's no big whoop-de-do how one forms one's family).

In any case, our twins are beautiful, healthy and completely normal. We are bonding now and getting to know each other. I do think about the donor sometimes and wonder what her kids look like as well as her other donations, but these are *MY* beautiful, wonderful, amazing children. I am so proud of what they have done already in their first month of life. They are wonderful.

Yes, I'll continue posting here and reading other DE blogs. But I still get annoyed at folks who have chosen DE and appear to regret it. I am thrilled that we have found this path and that the children who have been trying to reach me for the last 4 years have finally arrived.

Well, the babies are likely to be wanting their late morning snack soon. I need to have a snack myself before I become their cow. I love being where we are right now, even though I haven't slept more than 2 hours in a row for a month, and don't anticipate doing so for another 4 or 5 months, too.

Perfectly Normal

We had our first trimester screen yesterday and the news was good.  Or, as I keep repeating in my head, the perinatologist told us that everything was "perfectly normal."  

I love perfectly normal.  I have absolutely no interest in "perfect" alone.  It's an impossible goal and statistically unrealistic.  We don't live in Lake Woebegone;  most children are "average". In my world, average is not only good, it's wonderful.  

So yes, heart rates for both twins at 160 something.  I was 11 weeks 5 days yesterday and they were measuring 11w6d and 12w0d. Their nuchal folds are thin.  Perfectly normal.  

I also had a wonderful conversation with our perinatologist, a man whom I now consider the best doctor I have.  As a research scientist, I don't expect doctors 1) to be up to date on the research, much less 2) able to effectively critique it.  Indeed, when I brought my OB a copy of Dr. Luke's research on the effectiveness of her nutritional program from a top peer reviewed journal, I attached my own critique of the study's strengths and weaknesses.  (Overall, my critique is that the effect sizes are so large that her program should be given serious consideration for mothers of twins) Anyhoo, my perinatologist was able to use his knowledge of the research to logically convince me that I can go off the Lovenox at the end of the first trimester (Saturday) without harming the babies.  He also said he would support me if I decided to stay on the meds, but there is no research based reason to do so---because I do not have a diagnosed thrombophilia problem.  

I'm not sure all my doctors understand how much I know about evaluating and interpreting research, but I do think that he understands research better than my other doctors.  

So things are moving apace.  I thought everything was going to be ok with the twins, because I am HUNGRY a lot of the day.  And I am TIRED the rest of the time.  I've never been this hungry or tired, so it seemed like all was going the way it should.  

We're off for a family vacation next week.  Happy New Year to everyone!  May we all have an easy year reaching our dreams.

Still Here

We're at 9 1/2 weeks now.  Although it sounds like it ought to be an especially tawdry time of the pregnancy, I am just starting to get fat and am moving into maternity clothes.  The bottom of my belly, where my uterus should be, isn't showing, but my waist has expanded, which is apparently what should be happening.  

I go for my second OB appointment tomorrow and am (hopefully not obnoxiously) bringing a research article on the benefits of Dr. Luke's diet, so that they will not give me grief for gaining 5 lbs already.  That is the bottom of Dr. Luke's range of what I should have gained by 10 weeks.  

In any case, if they don't want me to gain as much weight as Dr. Luke recommends for twins (40-65 lbs), they are going to have to show me the research, not just state their opinions.

Do you see why I worry that I could come off as obnoxious?  I don't want to be obno, but I am probably a bit more informed than the average patient.  And if I can help other MOMs (mothers of multiples) in the practice, why wouldn't I?

It's almost time for my next snack.  And yes, I am getting hungry for it, less than 2 hours after I've had breakfast!  

Eating for Three

The spotting has gone away:  Hooray!

Now I'm focusing on having a healthy pregnancy and carrying these twins to term.  Has anybody else started following Dr. Luke's book "When you're expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads?" I'm on day 2 of the feeding frenzy and wondering how every one else is doing.

I have never eaten so much food in my entire life.  But her research shows that gaining a boatload of weight early on reduces NICU, preterm labor, preterm delivery and preeclampsia (all the bad pre stuff).

Anyhoo, any of you other twinners following her advice?  Can we commiserate on how much food 3500 nutritious calories really represents?

Ohmygoodness

Well, we just got back from the OB for our ultrasound.  And much to my surprise, there are actually TWO in there!  Holy Cow!  I had totally convinced myelf that there was only one, and I was once again, wrong.  WOW.  

They are measuring exactly on schedule:  6w4d and their heartbeats are 124 and 125---perfect.  Once you get heartbeats in the right range, things just look a lot better for a positive outcome.  

So, we're pretty excited!!  And a bit freaked out!!!

Holy COW!