It's Happening

Everything is official: we've donated 6 very high quality frozen embryos to our friend. These are what our clinic considers absolutely exceptionally high quality embryos. We've talked with our friend; we've done the counseling; we've signed all the legal and medical papers.

Our friend is going to have a baby--she's going to complete her family. And we helped.

We've spoken in detail about how we will be in the future. First, it will be OPEN. We will talk through what we need to. But I anticipate that our friend is going to need some space, at least initially, to establish in her head and in her heart that this is completely her child.

We are excited for her to enter that phase and come out with her completed family.

And in the future---8 years? 10 years? 18 years? I don't know. But in the future, I imagine we'll establish a closer relationship with them, maybe even a close relationship. That future is open and fuzzy, I don't know the details. But I do know that for all of us, it is positive.

What I feel most clearly in my heart is right now love. Love for our friend. Love for her child.

I do feel anxious. I'd be crazy not to recognize that emotion, too. These could have been our children. But I swear to you with all that I know is true: All the children who are supposed to be with us are with us right now. These children go to another family. They are supposed to be there.

So there.

Now you know.

New Year, New Family

You're right. I haven't been here in a while. Not too much going on DE-wise. I am sure that you all have been thinking about Elizabeth Edwards' children after her passing. The probability is that we'll all live to a ripe old age even after giving birth to our DE children in at an un-ripe old age. But it still makes me get a little anxious thinking about her leaving such young children.

In any case, what would any of them wish for--not to be born? No. They were brought into this world in deep love and that is how I hope they remember their mother.

In other quite big news, our friend is (finally) starting to move forward with our embryo donation to her. I hope that by this time next year she will have a child and our own children will have a new "special cousin" on the other coast.

I don't know what will happen with the remaining embryos after that. I actually believe that there will be one or two more "special cousins" that will be part of our extended family.

What have you all done with your extra embryos? Who else has donated them or decided not to?

Sometimes, It's Just Too Sad

Wasting time when I should be working, I have probably just been lurking on your blog.

And surprisingly to me, when I run across the news of a miscarriage, I run away from the blog. I am sorry. I should leave a note of condolence and support. But apparently, my own experiences are too recent and too raw and I act like a chicken shit and leave.

I am apparently not done with infertility yet. I am done with finishing our family. Our children are all most definitely all here. But the miscarriages still hurt, especially when I am sure all is well in the blogs I follow. DE pregnancies should not have miscarriages. That's just not right.

I am so sorry, Midlife Mommy.

I Wonder

A friend of mine just turned 48 today. And she has a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I didn't know about DE when she had her first child. But now I do.

I just can't imagine a 46 year old having a baby using her own eggs. However, I'm not out to her. I might float a question to her and see if she nibbles. it would be nice to have someone I really know to talk about these things.

How are you doing? I am keeping up with folks but I miss being here.

I'm coming back soon though. We have some DE humor I can only share here. And DE Daddy is tired at laughing at my same old jokes.

Anybody randomly run into someone who used DE and you didn't know it at the time?

Hello First Timers

Howdy out there.

I thought my comment on Alittlepregnant.com could bring some visitors. Yes, I am DE Mommy, a woman who used donor eggs to complete our family and ended up with the exact children I was supposed to have.

We are open to our children about their origins but not to too many other people. Like Julie on ALittlePregnant, it is hurtful to hear people outright say or imply that I am "not their real mommy," which is complete bullshit.

In any case, I appreciate that Julie does NOT make a big deal (or any deal at all) about how they finalized their family. I am surprised that others still remember it. That they do impresses me with how unfortunately tied up people are with the genetic origins of children.

Quite honestly, my children don't give a flying rat's ass about how they got here. I am their mother and DE Daddy is their father and there are no variance around those facts in their lives.

Ironically, I have been wanting to post about the twins' emerging hair because it is a big issue in our family. I have unusual hair. The donor does not share my type of hair. The twins, however, are developing hair very similar to mine--and to our older son. Come to find out, my hair type has hormonal origins. It appears that either through in utero exposure or through breastfeeding, their hair is looking more and more like mine, likely due to whatever wonky hormones give me this hair.

It makes us laugh to see them "looking so much like me."

Even if they didn't have hair like mine and instead had hair like everyone else in this world, it wouldn't matter. I am their mother. DE Daddy is their father. Not a thing in this world is going to change that.

Celine

Comes in 3's, yes? Who is the next celebrity to use donor eggs?

Celine Dion, at age 42 and 9 years since her son and 6 acknowledged IVF tries is pregnant with twins. Perhaps these are her own eggs, but I sincerely doubt it. (BTW, I do have a friend who on her 7th IVF attempt with her own eggs got pg with twins using LESS hcg to stop frying her eggs, but she is by far the exception)

Again, I don't judge her. What if you were one of the first people to adopt in the world? Wouldn't you want some privacy. But all these women in our boats who don't know about DE and who think they just need One More Try.

Oh, and this story about John Travolta and Kelly Preston annoys the ever loving effing shite out of me: "it's a miracle! We've been trying for a really, really long time and we really, really wanted it!!" OK! That was my problem!!! I probably was too stressed about it, too. Should have just taken a babymoon and relaxed. Have a bottle of wine. (I see this on a bulletin board as advice all the time. Dude I have one most nights; it didn't appear to help)

OK--so our plans to donate our embryos have fallen through. Anyone have information on adopting embryos? We're ready to help another family or two.

Take a Guess

Kelly Preston, age 47, is pregnant. Go figure, eh?

What is sad or frustrating or whatever you want to call it is all the women who are currently struggling to get pg via regular IVF and can't. And they think it's due to the extra money she has to spend.

I completely understand her desire to keep the DE origins quiet, but it doesn't help make DE normal for the rest of society.