Moms after 40

This series of pictures gives such false hope to women out there; it's celebrities who have had children after 40. Of the 20 celebrities they list, I suggest that the following used donor eggs. Oddly, the only person who is suggested to have used donor eggs was Elizabeth Edwards, probably because Real People analyzed her life (not just celebrity gossips)

Probably used Donor Eggs:

Kelly Preston

Jayne Seymour

Susan Sarandon (??? Can't tell. Could have used FET from her first IVF)

Beverly D'Angelo

Holly Hunter

Marcia Cross

Marcia Gay Harden

Elizabeth Edwards

Geena Davis

So why am I so sure? It is highly...HIGHLY unlikely that anyone over 40 gets pregnant using IVF, much less has twins. I know, from friends, that it happens. But the odds are that none of those women, who had twins or got pg after 46 used their own eggs.

There is nothing wrong with that---obviously!---but be honest 1) to use your "power" for destigmatizing donor eggs and 2) to take always false hopes from regular folks.

Just my kvetching.

He's Here!

Our friend's son, from our frosties, arrived a few weeks early in January. He is wonderful and beautiful and our friend is high on being a mommy!

Things are going extraordinarily well, should you think there might be problems. Our children understand about their "super cousin" with our oldest child's concern that he is still the oldest of everyone. Old is Big for kids.

Even more crazy, I think the super cousin looks more like our older child than the twins.

And craziest, we are nothing but excited that we could help our friend start and finish her family. This is not our children's sibling. This is a super cousin. More than a cousin, but not a sibling.

I don't think that everyone can do what we have done. One of my strengths is the ability to draw and maintain very strong boundaries. I fully understand how adopting a FET to another family could be hard and confusing. But it doesn't have to be. And it can be quite fulfilling with some substantial positive emotions.

We are thrilled for our friend--even the children who pray for her and her child every night. They confuse Baby ***** with Baby Jesus, but that is a whole other story.

I Will Be Here

In case you're reading along on this blog while on you're own journey and want to talk/get advice, I will be here. It may take a while for me to get back to you, but I will.

I'm not going anywhere. This process has been too important and remains a part of our lives, so I'll keep coming back.

Email, leave comments, invite me along on your journey and I'll be there with you.

Another DE Mommy Friend In Real Life

I have met another woman in real life who used DE to complete their family!!

Not only that, she's in my same profession, is about my same age, has my same relatively uncommon hobbies as I do, and her children are about the same as ours!

Plus, I like her!

We are both open to our children and a few other adults, but not so much with the world. We had lunch yesterday and it was so nice to talk to another woman who understands what it's like to have gone through this process and end up with the children we're supposed to have.

Plus, I like her!!

New friends aren't easy to find once you have children and a career. Finding a new one who seems to fit the the odd dimensions of one's life easily is a real treat.

TWINS

Holy cow, it's freaking both DE Daddy and me out, but our friend is pg with twins. I'm thrilled she's going to be a mother. But I am worried how a self-employed, single mom is going to make it through the pg and those first two years with TWINS.

I believe the universe knows what it is doing, so I'm sending nothing but joy and good thoughts her way.

Nonetheless, YOWZA!!!

She's Pregnant!

The betas are in and our friend is pregnant with her adopted embryos. She transferred two and her betas are high enough that it could be twins. We're trying not to freak about that--I hope the universe knows what it's doing.

Have you checked the new Sart.org IVF success numbers?

San Diego Fertility Center has a 85% success rate with DE and a 75% success rate with DE FET. It is also more reasonably priced than our local clinics. Check the stats of your local clinic. It may be worth the 5 to 6 day trip out to San Diego (costing about $1000) to be very sure you're going to have a successful cycle.

Just my $.02.

Updates and Funny Thoughts

We haven't heard anything from our friend after the paperwork has been signed and I think that is actually very, very good. She should be in the midst of the cycle right now. Although I am curious as to what is happening (have they transferred yet? does she have a BFP) and what she decided to do (1 emby or 2?), it's HER family and not ours any more. So, I'd like to know what is happening, but it's more just being curious than being obsessed.

Besides we are so freaking busy, I don't have time to do much of anything else.

So here's the funny part. It's part of our "concept" of the twins (dear twin daughter DTD and dear twin son DTS) that we had some help conceiving them. However, I sometimes get very close to forgetting that it was donor egg and not donor sperm.

I know! Really? When they do some things that are so much like me and not at all like DEDaddy, I catch myself half a second after thinking, "Well, that's because they genetically related to me and not to him."

That is just crazy!! And the crazy part about it is that it's true! There is a picture of my brother as a child that DTS looks an awful lot alike. Although my daughter does not physically favor me (like DS and DTS do), she is so much like me personality wise that it's hard not to think that those raging hormones permanently affected their DNA. (There is some evidence for that)

And the kicker--all three of the children have MY hair. My hair is very unusual, and truly, DS is most like mine. But it's clear that DTD and DTS have hair similar to DS and to me. That is freakin' crazy. Well, it would be if I hadn't looked up and found that my hair has strong hormonal components and being inside me and being breastfed by me likely changed their hair DNA.

Of course, we do see some things that are different. When they misbehave, clearly that the donor.

I kid! (sort of!) It's nice to blame her and not take responsibility for that that--although DE Daddy points out that I can't have it both ways. I can't claim all the feisty-ness and then deny the vim and vigor. There are just too many similarities to me that make think either 1) the donor could be a long lost sister or 2) hormones and environment play a bigger role than many people give them credit for.

Since science is coming down on the latter side, so shall I.