Friday, September 10, 2010

Hello First Timers

Howdy out there.

I thought my comment on could bring some visitors. Yes, I am DE Mommy, a woman who used donor eggs to complete our family and ended up with the exact children I was supposed to have.

We are open to our children about their origins but not to too many other people. Like Julie on ALittlePregnant, it is hurtful to hear people outright say or imply that I am "not their real mommy," which is complete bullshit.

In any case, I appreciate that Julie does NOT make a big deal (or any deal at all) about how they finalized their family. I am surprised that others still remember it. That they do impresses me with how unfortunately tied up people are with the genetic origins of children.

Quite honestly, my children don't give a flying rat's ass about how they got here. I am their mother and DE Daddy is their father and there are no variance around those facts in their lives.

Ironically, I have been wanting to post about the twins' emerging hair because it is a big issue in our family. I have unusual hair. The donor does not share my type of hair. The twins, however, are developing hair very similar to mine--and to our older son. Come to find out, my hair type has hormonal origins. It appears that either through in utero exposure or through breastfeeding, their hair is looking more and more like mine, likely due to whatever wonky hormones give me this hair.

It makes us laugh to see them "looking so much like me."

Even if they didn't have hair like mine and instead had hair like everyone else in this world, it wouldn't matter. I am their mother. DE Daddy is their father. Not a thing in this world is going to change that.


suz said...

I couldn't agree more. My daughter was conceived using donor eggs and there isn't a second of her life I've ever thought that I wasn't her "real" mother. That said, even the thickest skinned among us (myself included) would be hurt by such a comment. I really could not think of a crueler, more insensitive thing someone could say to me. That someone would think it, then SAY it to or about someone they do not even know really astounds me. I truly do not understand the trolls who lurk about IF blogs specifically for the purpose of making insensitive and hurtful comments. What sorry lives they must have.

foxy said...

I'm joining this conversation a little late, but I just found your blog from a comment you left somewhere else. We are using Donor sperm and I am trying to prepare myself for these kinds of comments. Everyone keeps saying that it won't matter how our babies were conceived once we meet them, and I know that means that we won't love them any differently, but it doesn't mean that the world around us will understand.

I am not thick skinned, but I am fiercely protective of my husband and my family. I guess I'd just love to red more about how you deal with this kind of thing, and how you protect your children from it.

btw- you'd asked about iclw in your comment, it is mel's international comment leaving week -