I have met another woman in real life who used DE to complete their family!!
Not only that, she's in my same profession, is about my same age, has my same relatively uncommon hobbies as I do, and her children are about the same as ours!
Plus, I like her!
We are both open to our children and a few other adults, but not so much with the world. We had lunch yesterday and it was so nice to talk to another woman who understands what it's like to have gone through this process and end up with the children we're supposed to have.
Plus, I like her!!
New friends aren't easy to find once you have children and a career. Finding a new one who seems to fit the the odd dimensions of one's life easily is a real treat.
Holy cow, it's freaking both DE Daddy and me out, but our friend is pg with twins. I'm thrilled she's going to be a mother. But I am worried how a self-employed, single mom is going to make it through the pg and those first two years with TWINS.
I believe the universe knows what it is doing, so I'm sending nothing but joy and good thoughts her way.
The betas are in and our friend is pregnant with her adopted embryos. She transferred two and her betas are high enough that it could be twins. We're trying not to freak about that--I hope the universe knows what it's doing.
San Diego Fertility Center has a 85% success rate with DE and a 75% success rate with DE FET. It is also more reasonably priced than our local clinics. Check the stats of your local clinic. It may be worth the 5 to 6 day trip out to San Diego (costing about $1000) to be very sure you're going to have a successful cycle.
We haven't heard anything from our friend after the paperwork has been signed and I think that is actually very, very good. She should be in the midst of the cycle right now. Although I am curious as to what is happening (have they transferred yet? does she have a BFP) and what she decided to do (1 emby or 2?), it's HER family and not ours any more. So, I'd like to know what is happening, but it's more just being curious than being obsessed.
Besides we are so freaking busy, I don't have time to do much of anything else.
So here's the funny part. It's part of our "concept" of the twins (dear twin daughter DTD and dear twin son DTS) that we had some help conceiving them. However, I sometimes get very close to forgetting that it was donor egg and not donor sperm.
I know! Really? When they do some things that are so much like me and not at all like DEDaddy, I catch myself half a second after thinking, "Well, that's because they genetically related to me and not to him."
That is just crazy!! And the crazy part about it is that it's true! There is a picture of my brother as a child that DTS looks an awful lot alike. Although my daughter does not physically favor me (like DS and DTS do), she is so much like me personality wise that it's hard not to think that those raging hormones permanently affected their DNA. (There is some evidence for that)
And the kicker--all three of the children have MY hair. My hair is very unusual, and truly, DS is most like mine. But it's clear that DTD and DTS have hair similar to DS and to me. That is freakin' crazy. Well, it would be if I hadn't looked up and found that my hair has strong hormonal components and being inside me and being breastfed by me likely changed their hair DNA.
Of course, we do see some things that are different. When they misbehave, clearly that the donor.
I kid! (sort of!) It's nice to blame her and not take responsibility for that that--although DE Daddy points out that I can't have it both ways. I can't claim all the feisty-ness and then deny the vim and vigor. There are just too many similarities to me that make think either 1) the donor could be a long lost sister or 2) hormones and environment play a bigger role than many people give them credit for.
Since science is coming down on the latter side, so shall I.
Everything is official: we've donated 6 very high quality frozen embryos to our friend. These are what our clinic considers absolutely exceptionally high quality embryos. We've talked with our friend; we've done the counseling; we've signed all the legal and medical papers.
Our friend is going to have a baby--she's going to complete her family. And we helped.
We've spoken in detail about how we will be in the future. First, it will be OPEN. We will talk through what we need to. But I anticipate that our friend is going to need some space, at least initially, to establish in her head and in her heart that this is completely her child.
We are excited for her to enter that phase and come out with her completed family.
And in the future---8 years? 10 years? 18 years? I don't know. But in the future, I imagine we'll establish a closer relationship with them, maybe even a close relationship. That future is open and fuzzy, I don't know the details. But I do know that for all of us, it is positive.
What I feel most clearly in my heart is right now love. Love for our friend. Love for her child.
I do feel anxious. I'd be crazy not to recognize that emotion, too. These could have been our children. But I swear to you with all that I know is true: All the children who are supposed to be with us are with us right now. These children go to another family. They are supposed to be there.
You're right. I haven't been here in a while. Not too much going on DE-wise. I am sure that you all have been thinking about Elizabeth Edwards' children after her passing. The probability is that we'll all live to a ripe old age even after giving birth to our DE children in at an un-ripe old age. But it still makes me get a little anxious thinking about her leaving such young children.
In any case, what would any of them wish for--not to be born? No. They were brought into this world in deep love and that is how I hope they remember their mother.
In other quite big news, our friend is (finally) starting to move forward with our embryo donation to her. I hope that by this time next year she will have a child and our own children will have a new "special cousin" on the other coast.
I don't know what will happen with the remaining embryos after that. I actually believe that there will be one or two more "special cousins" that will be part of our extended family.
What have you all done with your extra embryos? Who else has donated them or decided not to?
Our son was conceived after two months of "trying." Imagine our surprise when the next 8 pregnancies ended in miscarriages (5 chemical pgs and 3 clinical m/cs ranging from 8 weeks to 12 weeks). We've considered adoption but started trying donor eggs first. Our frist DE cycle was with frozen donor eggs. Our 1st fresh cycle was canceled when the donor tested (falsely) positive for HIV. We also think I may have an auto-immune issue. We are pregnant with twins after our 3rd DE cycle, the first one we got to "try" with!