Friday, September 26, 2008

Pre-Cycle Insomnia

It's not that late for normal people, but considering I usually get up at 5 am to exercise, it's late for me.

Nothing big is going on.  I'm still neglecting to blog about the spate of 40+ women who have given birth in Hollywood.  Basically, Marcia Cross is the only one I think  who used her own eggs (although she had twins, so I'm not really sure).  Everyone else:  Geena Davis (twins at 48), Jane Seymour (twins at 45), Joan Lunden (twins at 54), Elizabeth Edwards (age 48 and 50 with her last two children), and Holly Hunter (twins at 47) really seem obvious that they used donor eggs.  

I actually had someone on my other blog get all cranky that I suggested that Geena Davis used donor eggs.  She had twins at age 48 and a son at 46, even though she claims the twins were an accident.  Really.  Reallllllly.  First, the statistics suggest that she didn't have these children by accident.  Three children in two years also suggest somebody was on ice: i.e., there were frosties from an IVF process.  Second, what does it matter?  Why does finding out that someone you like used donor eggs to finish their family bother you?  What if you found out that someone you liked adopted a child?  Had stepchildren?  Had a child out of wedlock?  Was a foster parent?  Used a sperm donor? What difference does it make to you and your relationship to this person, much less to their child?

Second, I'm starting to get annoyed at hearing The Definitive Answer as to Why Women Choose Donor Eggs.  I chose donor eggs because I wanted the best probability to have another child considering the amount of money we could spend.  I did not choose to use DE just because I want the intimate experience of giving birth.  I just know that 30% of domestic adoptions end up in "adoption miscarriages" in which the birth mom changes her mind.  That's a risk that feels too hard for me, right now.  Plus, I'll get to breastfeed more easily-and considering our DS breastfed until he was 40 months old, it is important to me.   
So don't tell me why I did what I did and stop saying that Hollywood simply has enough money to do multiple tries at IVF so that they get pregnant.  They didn't.  They used donor eggs, and all of us know that.

Phhht.  Now, let that sleeping medicine works soon so I'm not up for another two hours.  

But boy, reading back over this blog post, I sound CRANKY!!  I'm not really all that cranky. (And I've come back on Saturday morning to edit this--so it was worse before now!!) I'm really  excited that we're starting another cycle, but I'm just not that naive anymore.  

So whatever.  I also may be picking up on the fight I'm halfway watching on HGTV.  Now, there is some crankiness going on.  I may try to find some other program to calm me down.  It's a floor gone bad on HGTV.


Piratewench said...

I have really mixed feelings about the Hollywood uh, representation, if you will, about women having babies at the advanced age. I think a small part of the reason I waited so long was because I had a false sense of how long it was possible to get pregnant, BECAUSE of what I saw going on in Hollywood. After all, their lives are reported on by the media and lots of them are having babies much older. We don't get the truth about how they're doing it, so we are led astray about the realities and possibilities. I think the catch is, that their lives are made so public and doing IVF and/or using donor eggs is such an intimately personal decision. I can't imagine my decisions being scrutinized by the public at large...and quite an ignorant group "the public" can be. So even though a lot of those women are straight out lying about how they came about these babies, I think it's just their way of saying "none of your business" to the world. I don't think they care about whether anyone is believing them or not. It just stops all the questioning, to some degree...even though most of us "in the know" are looking at them with one eyebrow up...I guess I have changed my raised eyebrow to a wink. What do you think?

DCat said...

I totally agree with you about Hollywood. Even the DE mom's I read on the DE boards have a hard time telling that they used DE so I guess these famous people would rather the whole world know they used DE. I just wish they didn;t go out and exclaim that they are just really fertile. They should just say nothing. I would love it though if just one came out and said they used DE. It would be such a milestone for all the mom's who used DE.
Nevertheless, when I see these older Hollywood women pregnant with twins claiming the miracle that it is I get so angry!

DE Mommy said...

I actually really agree with both of your points. it is no one's business, especially if this is a controversial technique. But I also thought it wouldn't be hard for me at a certain age, if they could do it, too.

midlife mommy said...

Very impressed that you get up at 5 a.m. to exercise. I wish, I wish, I wish.

As for Hollywood, I guess what bothers me is that by lying about it, it seems as though they are diminishing my daughter's very existence. Though, on the other hand, it's no one's business how they formed their families. I wish they would just tell people to just buzz off if they don't want to be honest about it. Unfortunately, the lying really hurts people, especially those who think that they can easily get pregnant well into their 40's.

I haven't read about the ostensible definitive answer regarding why women choose donor eggs. I chose them because I wanted to experience a pregnancy, and open adoption scared the cr*p out of me (will they choose me, how much interference would there be that first year, would they change their minds, would the state take them away because I didn't have all my outlets covered or wanted to cosleep, the paperwork, etc.).

Peeveme said...

I agree that's it's nobody's business but like the others I HATE that it gives women (and society) false perception of fertility.

Great post!

Hope you get some sleep.

Summer said...

Yes, hear, hear to everything you said.

I think Marcia Cross has been the most open about her IVF. In fact, even though she never said it, the comments she has made about her IVF suggest that she did use donor eggs. Here is a link to Stirrup Queen's post about it:

millie said...

I came via peeveme's link. I do hear your frustration. I'm a former egg donor who did two cycles of DE myself (and two cycles of embryo donation as well).

Summer is right (as always!). Marcia Cross has been very open and supportive while still protecting her children's privacy. So has Elizabeth Edwards. Holly Hunter is super private. I've got no problems with them.

But Angela Bassett shilled out her twins on magazine covers and lied through her teeth. She could have taken the high road, said she had lots of help, asked why it mattered, etc, but she didn't. She used her kids to further her own career and that is just slimey.

DE is a beautiful thing. It's an amazing option - women helping other women. I wish you all the best in your next cycle.

Kate said...

Ha! I love your post! That's all I can say! And yeah! You're starting your cycle!

Kami said...

I'm right there with you!

No, not the exercise, but the Hollywood "fertiles"

Sky said...

Oh, my favorite topic - The forthsomething Hollywood Moms! It seems many people will roll their eyes when they hear they got pregnant "accidentally" (with twins at 46 - yeah, right!) and assume there were fertility treatments involved. BUT OH-MY-FRIGGEN-GOD, if you DARE to tell someone that they absolutely, positively used donor eggs, the claws will come out! I've posted on same subject, 'cause it just pisses me off!

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