Sometimes, It's Just Too Sad

Wasting time when I should be working, I have probably just been lurking on your blog.

And surprisingly to me, when I run across the news of a miscarriage, I run away from the blog. I am sorry. I should leave a note of condolence and support. But apparently, my own experiences are too recent and too raw and I act like a chicken shit and leave.

I am apparently not done with infertility yet. I am done with finishing our family. Our children are all most definitely all here. But the miscarriages still hurt, especially when I am sure all is well in the blogs I follow. DE pregnancies should not have miscarriages. That's just not right.

I am so sorry, Midlife Mommy.

I Wonder

A friend of mine just turned 48 today. And she has a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I didn't know about DE when she had her first child. But now I do.

I just can't imagine a 46 year old having a baby using her own eggs. However, I'm not out to her. I might float a question to her and see if she nibbles. it would be nice to have someone I really know to talk about these things.

How are you doing? I am keeping up with folks but I miss being here.

I'm coming back soon though. We have some DE humor I can only share here. And DE Daddy is tired at laughing at my same old jokes.

Anybody randomly run into someone who used DE and you didn't know it at the time?

Hello First Timers

Howdy out there.

I thought my comment on Alittlepregnant.com could bring some visitors. Yes, I am DE Mommy, a woman who used donor eggs to complete our family and ended up with the exact children I was supposed to have.

We are open to our children about their origins but not to too many other people. Like Julie on ALittlePregnant, it is hurtful to hear people outright say or imply that I am "not their real mommy," which is complete bullshit.

In any case, I appreciate that Julie does NOT make a big deal (or any deal at all) about how they finalized their family. I am surprised that others still remember it. That they do impresses me with how unfortunately tied up people are with the genetic origins of children.

Quite honestly, my children don't give a flying rat's ass about how they got here. I am their mother and DE Daddy is their father and there are no variance around those facts in their lives.

Ironically, I have been wanting to post about the twins' emerging hair because it is a big issue in our family. I have unusual hair. The donor does not share my type of hair. The twins, however, are developing hair very similar to mine--and to our older son. Come to find out, my hair type has hormonal origins. It appears that either through in utero exposure or through breastfeeding, their hair is looking more and more like mine, likely due to whatever wonky hormones give me this hair.

It makes us laugh to see them "looking so much like me."

Even if they didn't have hair like mine and instead had hair like everyone else in this world, it wouldn't matter. I am their mother. DE Daddy is their father. Not a thing in this world is going to change that.

Celine

Comes in 3's, yes? Who is the next celebrity to use donor eggs?

Celine Dion, at age 42 and 9 years since her son and 6 acknowledged IVF tries is pregnant with twins. Perhaps these are her own eggs, but I sincerely doubt it. (BTW, I do have a friend who on her 7th IVF attempt with her own eggs got pg with twins using LESS hcg to stop frying her eggs, but she is by far the exception)

Again, I don't judge her. What if you were one of the first people to adopt in the world? Wouldn't you want some privacy. But all these women in our boats who don't know about DE and who think they just need One More Try.

Oh, and this story about John Travolta and Kelly Preston annoys the ever loving effing shite out of me: "it's a miracle! We've been trying for a really, really long time and we really, really wanted it!!" OK! That was my problem!!! I probably was too stressed about it, too. Should have just taken a babymoon and relaxed. Have a bottle of wine. (I see this on a bulletin board as advice all the time. Dude I have one most nights; it didn't appear to help)

OK--so our plans to donate our embryos have fallen through. Anyone have information on adopting embryos? We're ready to help another family or two.

Take a Guess

Kelly Preston, age 47, is pregnant. Go figure, eh?

What is sad or frustrating or whatever you want to call it is all the women who are currently struggling to get pg via regular IVF and can't. And they think it's due to the extra money she has to spend.

I completely understand her desire to keep the DE origins quiet, but it doesn't help make DE normal for the rest of society.

Another Post, So Soon!?

I posted last night and then I caught up on everyone. And then felt bad for what I'd posted.

This is a hard journey for everyone and it's more than awful when those BFNs show up or the cycle gets cancelled or the donor doesn't have a great response to the meds. I'm sorry that happens. And it sucks to have someone on the other side blithely saying "WOOHOO! It's great over here; we just don't sleep much."

Our last DE cycle was going to be our last cycle, period. We were "there", where I see quite a few of the folks I've been following are currently, too. "This is it and if it doesn't work, we're done."

We got lucky and got to move ahead with our prize(s) instead of moving ahead without them. I have to be honest: it's tough to remember how crappy that stage is--trying to finish up one's family. By "tough to remember," I mean, my heart and head protest when I try to go back there. So I don't often go.

Find the best clinic you can, and don't look back and second guess after you have made that choice. We all have different levels of comfort and traveling to an out of town clinic may freak you out or simply be another thing you have to do.

I will tell you that the best thing about being on this side is NOT having to think about it all the time. There is an amazing liberty in that I recommend to everyone, whether your family is finished the way it is or with another addition or two.

Still Here

Just a quick update that I'm still here and think of the blog often, even if I don't post.

Things are going really well around here. Both DE Daddy and I are continually thrilled by our adorable twins. We still cannot believe our luck and also how much the children take after both of us and our older son. What's funny is that sometimes I forget that the children are not supposed to be related to me and think that they are not biologically connected to DE Daddy. ("Well, obviously the children get this from me b/c their are missing the donor part from him...umm, wait? What???") A lack of sleep may be involved here, too.

That is really what is going on here for the most part. Except for the embryos we are donating to a friend. Yes, I will discuss this later, but we are going to donate some of the leftover embryos to a good friend (but not too good) so that she can complete her family.

In my life, I have learned to trust my gut, my intuition. It took me down this career path and it took me to my children to finish my family. This next step feels completely and utterly right. I don't know how it will turn out, but it will be "right." Not normal, as you may perceive it, but right for us.

So there. Things are good. Things are right. I am not a pollyana person, and things are not all roses and kittens over here. But this choice was right.

Am I repeating myself in all these posts? Yes, I am. When I check on the blogs I follow and see the doubt and worry, I hope this offers some comfort that there is a warm light at the end of the tunnel. There is no sleep here, so get ahold of yourself. But there is a warm and fuzzy light/life. It's a trade off. Deal with it. :-)