Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Choosing the Donor

Well, most of our medical records have been sent from our old clinic to the new clinic and the new clinic is ordering up some additional tests--mainly blood work to meet California's stricter donor laws.

Because we are officially in the clinic now, we can officially be matched with our donor.


There are certain characteristics that we would like the donor to have, mainly because they are characteristics of mine. So we are mainly evaluating donors as how they compare with a tall runner with curly hair. The first donor we were interested in ran track, was 5'8" and had very curly hair. However, she has not responded to the clinic's repeated requests for additional pictures and since I'd argue conscientiousness is one of the best predictors for donor success, I am no longer interested.

There are two other donors that are tall (6'0 and 5'9) and athletic (including one who has run a 5 minute mile----that's FAST) but neither have curly hair. Still the 5'9" one looks a bit like me with the same facial features with self-reported wavy hair. Considering how much people comment on my son's curly hair, curl is still a real issue with me. Additionally 6'0 is proven and 5'9" is unproven. We want to have another child so "proven" is an important thing.

Of course, then we go back to the fact that we have been pretty far down the adoption path and would have happily engaged in a transracial or biracial adoption. So does it really matter if the donor looks like me?

I don't know. I've had too much coffee to think right now. And certainly too much to make any big decisions.


midlife mommy said...

I tried to pick a donor with the same ethnic background and body build that I have, but honestly, I think people are going to find similarities between you and the child no matter what.

DE Mommy said...


I think you're right about that.

Anonymous said...

Stick with physical characteristics like height and curly hair. A love of running is just a hobby and we're not born with that. They can learn that from you, if that's important. Of course even when two parents have curly hair, I don't think there is a guarantee that all their children will have curly hair anyway. And unless you want to explain your donor situation to every Tom, Dick and Harry, I would not venture into different race/ethnicity, unless you and your husband were those different race/ethnicities.

stacyb said...

i too tried to pick a donor with a similar body type and same ethnicity but it stopped there -- never had a photo or anything. frankly just because the parents both have, say, blue eyes doesn't mean the child will. a friend of mine has olive skin and dark brown eyes she gave birth to a white haired blue eyed even if the donor has all the things you are looking for it's not a guarantee that those traits will
get passed on.

what is more of a guarantee, as far as guarantees can go in the IVF/DE world, is that working with a proven donor helps your odds. I mean at least you know she's had good eggs in the past and is able to stay the course. which is a lot.

Bee Cee said...

When me and hubby talked about if we need donor eggs, I asked him what were the 2 most important traits he would want them to match with me...he said 'height' and 'curly hair'...spooky!