I want to talk about our decision to disclose the origins of our next child(ren), should we be so lucky to get pregnant using donor eggs. However, I don't want to write some long preachy blog post about why we think what we going to do is the right thing. First of all, I fully believe that everyone has to make decisions that reflect what is best for their family. If I believed that my choices were the Best Choices To Be Made to make then pretty much the whole world would be sitting in my (wonderful) house in my (fantastic) city and we'd all be content knowing that my decisions are best for all. And although I believe that my house is the best house in the world and I wouldn't live in any other city, yet I sit here alone not judging you for not being here, I'm going to say that others have to make decisions that are right for them.
Second, I don't want to write a long preachy blog post on disclosure because I am too freakin' tired. That is my main side effect of lupron, well, fatigue and bitchiness. Hooray!
So here is what is most on my mind with disclosure: our clinic's therapist (Dr. Thera Pissed) wants us to be as paranoid as possible in thinking about how someone might find out about us using donor eggs and how that information could get back and hurt our child. She does not want us to tell the pediatrician or my OB or anyone except for her, our RE and each other. She believes that people in the offices will talk about it and the word will get out and someone will come up to our child in middle school and tell him/her/them that he/she/they are not really my child and ask where their "real" mommy is.
First, might I suggest a review of the governmental policy HIPAA? Second, really? My life is that interesting that, in a metropolitan region of over 1 million people, multiple people are going to keep track of our lives and then tell their children who will then find our child of whom they will not know their last (correct) name and then taunt them. Really?
Thera argues that DE is so unusual that people will notice it and talk about it and because they are not as informed as we, they will same stupid things. I do agree with that part and it's one of the reasons we've decided not to tell our neighbors or even our family. There is one judgmental, hyper neighbor of mine for whom I can see that scenario playing out nearly exactly. But we shouldn't tell our pediatrician? Really?
I think Dr. Pissed is paranoid about the wrong things. They are now taking the DNA from all the children in foster care from the Mormon sect in Texas. DNA is going to become the first choice for medical and law officials in the not too distant future. Prescriptions could even be tailored to your specific DNA. My paranoid mind takes me down a variety of paths in which someone is going to be in for a nasty shock and I really don't want it to be my children.
More later, but I really am pooped. And I want to stop thinking and go watch some mindless TV.