Wind Out of My Sails

Wow. I have to say I am still so relieved to find these other DE bloggers. I have been so worked up since our last meeting with Dr. Thera Pissed and our preference for disclosure and her obvious bias that we will eff up our child(ren) by doing so. However, reading all the DE blogs, disclosure (or not) just doesn't seem to be at the front of anyone else's mind going through the process. Instead it's happiness at being pregnant or being a new mom or even just starting the process. Perhaps I haven't delved into these new blogs enough, but I just don't see the trauma my Dr. Pissed has implied.

What a relief.

And what a relief, too, about the finances of this. DE Daddy just got a teaching job for the first part of the summer. That, plus some of my additional consulting money means that we will be able to about pay for this by the end of June. On the one hand, one may interpret this as a "sign" that it's going to work out because this new money has fallen into our laps at exactly the right time. Surely, that means it was meant to be. On the other hand, one may also interpret this to mean that it won't work out but we won't be in debt for "nothing." It will essentially be a wash financially; we won't be ahead , but we won't be in a hole either.

In fact, I could easily choose to see my last 6 months as having plenty of signs that this is going to work out: these frozen eggs fell in our lap, a major health scare that could have led to a miscarriage or worse was resolved before we started, we found money to pay for it without going into debt, we are going to a doctor who (unusually) understands auto-immune problems in recurrent miscarriages, other life worries have come to a happy conclusion.

I could see the events as predicting that what we want to happen will happen. Instead, what I see is more evidence that whatever happens, I will look back and say, "That was the right thing to occur."

I really feel the need to protect myself in this process even while I continue to feel positive and excited that we will end up with a child.

We go Friday to have my lining checked and learn the doctor's decision on when they will thaw the eggs.

!!!!!!!