I might note, at the beginning of this post, that I am in less of a good mood today than I was yesterday. And I wasn't in a particularly good mood yesterday.
I am really, really tired of the dramz in having this second (and third) child. I'm tired of knowing I had 8 miscarriages in the last 3 years. I'm tired of having our cycles canceled for reasons that have nothing to do with me (e.g., inept lab, stupid government regulations on a false positive). I am ready to TRY and get pregnant and get on with my life. I am tired of waiting to see what is going to happen.
I really want to complete my family. I know all the readers here (fellow DE bloggers) know what that means: it's not just that I want another child, it's that I know there are some empty spaces around our table that are waiting to be filled by our children. And I'm tired of being coy about how many more children I want: I want at least two more children. We are too old to want two more children, but I want two more children. I'll take either twins or two more pgs in quick succession.
Nonetheless, here we are again. I am so annoyed at being here again, choosing another donor. And our clinic has not recently kept their donor records up to date. There are donors who we were previously interested in but were in cycle (May, June, July) but we don't know whether those cycles were successful or not. There is a donor who is wonderful (tall relatives, curly haired relatives, athletic, smart (3.95 college gpa!), thin, my eye color and very pretty) but she's in cycle now and won't be available until the end of November. DE Daddy is perfectly willing to wait until the end of November. But our coordinator told us that we would be ready to cycle again at the beginning of October *if* we find a donor who is available right now.
I know that in the long run 6-8 weeks of delay does not make a big deal of difference. In 10 or 20 years , it just won't matter. (It will matter in 5 years because of our school's cut off age for entering school) But right now, it feels like it matters a substantial amount. I am an academic. I get the summers off. I get a semester off for maternity leave. An early July due date (October transfer) will give me a guaranteed 6 months home with my baby or babies. An August/September due date will give me 4 or less months home. I know that is more than most women get in America, but it certainly less than I could have and that is recommended to keep a child home.
I want to choose a fertile Myrtle donor who has at least some of the characteristics that we want and who is going to give us a ton of amazing eggs (we're only looking at proven donors who pop out a lot of eggs and have a lot of left over frosties) and I want her to be available now.
What is your advice? You've helped me before in choosing my donors. What do you think?
Oh and feel free to throw in a few: wow, things suck for you right now. Cuz I am not happy that our cycle has been cancelled.